Under the Sheets
by StarryGazer
Summary: Halloween, Marauder style. Remus wonders about Sirius' cheap cliche of a costume, and Sirius gives Remus a Treat...or is that a trick? And James strikes out with Lily.


TITLE: Under the Sheets

AUTHOR:

PAIRING: Sirius/Remus

RATING: R, er, maybe. Probably not that dirty, on the whole. Sorry!

CATEGORY: A short humor/fluff fic.

FEEDBACK: Always appreciated, feel free to send to the above address

DISCLAIMER: Belongs to JKR. No profit. No infringement etc.

BETAS: the therapeutic Thoughtpoison, and my roommate, the glorious Gemsbok!

SUMMARY: Halloween, Marauder style.

NOTES: Written for the **Howl-O-Ween Challenge** at the **pervywerewolf**. Words included: all five; **Vampire, ****Cauldron, ****Autumn leaves, ****Cemetery, ****Howling. Word count: 3,859.**

**Under the Sheets**

"So what are you going to be for Halloween this year, James?" Sirius asked with a grin. The Marauders were gathered round the fire in the common room—or 'flopped' might have been a slightly more accurate description.

James glanced up from his Quidditch magazine long enough to give his friend a withering look. "I'm not _dressing up_ for Halloween," he said scathingly. "Halloween's for little kids, for Merlin's sake. 'Sides, I don't need a costume to plaster the entire Slytherin dormitory with a good coating of rotten egg. Right, Peter?"

Peter shifted on the footstool where he was perched, and nodded eagerly at James. "Right. Right," he said. "Costumes are for kids. Costumes are stupid. Costumes—"

"What are you dressing as?" Eliza Dinglebury asked Lily as they passed the group of boys.

"Boudicca, Queen of the Iceni," she replied promptly. "The chariot will be a bit bulky, but I think I can manage all right."

James had already leapt to his feet, and made an attempt to brush off the ashes from the fireplace from his robes. "So, uh, Evans," he said casually. "Who's going to play King of the…um…Iceni? I mean, I could throw together a great costume—you _know_ I'd make a great King…uh. King Thingummy. Of the…er…Iceni."

Lily gave him a long, cool look over her shoulder. "King Prasutagus, you mean? You might, at that." At James' relieved grin, she tossed her long, copper hair back and smiled sweetly. "Considering he rolled over to the Romans like the fool he was, and left half his kingdom to them. Yes, you can be Prasutagus if you promise to die first thing."

James looked frustrated as Lily and her friend left, laughing. Remus, who was curled on the floor with a book in the crook of his arm, looked up with a smirk. "King Prasutagus submitted to the Romans and left half of his kingdom to them. When he died, the Romans whipped his wife and raped his daughters. It was his widow that was the famous one. She revolted and nearly led the British to victory over the Romans."

James spluttered. "Well. I'd never—let _my _wife and daughters—I wouldn't—"

"Well, probably better not to go as _him_, then," Sirius smiled lazily, throwing his legs over the arm of his chair and leaning back. "You'll have to dress as something else to impress her. Think about it; you could wear a mask, and ask her to dance, and she won't even know it's you. It'd give you a chance, anyway."

"That's a _great_ idea," James grinned, his eyes lighting up. He threw himself back onto the floor beside Remus. "What can I go as?"

"Suddenly dressing up doesn't seem so childish?" Remus inquired wryly, but James ignored him.

"Could go as Midas," Sirius suggested. "I could charm you up a marvelous pair of ass's ears." He winked at Remus, who smiled and looked back at his book.

"Funny," James retorted. "Be serious, Sirius. It was your idea. What should I be?"

Remus sighed. "You could go as a mummy. Your face would be covered, at least."

"Not very elegant," James protested. "How is she supposed to realize how fabulous I am if I go as one big bandage?"

Sirius and Remus shared an eye roll. "Something with a helmet," Sirius said. "Like a knight or something."

"Too big and clangy," James replied after frowning a while. "What are _you_ going as?"

For some reason Sirius' eyes strayed to Remus, and he gave a long, slow smile. "Something more—you know…traditional," he said.

"Like what?" Peter asked, intrigued. He loved when Sirius kept them guessing, and Sirius was good at it. "A vampire?"

"Nah…that's more Snape's thing. Can't you just see him as a vampire? That waxy skin, dirty robes, thin as a cadaver…bet he'd suck grease instead of blood, though."

James laughed. "And his nose probably gets in the way of him biting anyone."

Remus looked uncomfortable, turning back to the fire. "I'm not going," he announced suddenly, to the surprise of the rest of the group.

"Why not?" James demanded.

"You have to go," Sirius added anxiously. "Won't be any fun without you."

Remus shrugged. "I don't like that type of thing. Getting all dressed up, people looking at you…I don't know. I just don't want to go."

"But…you _have_ to go," Sirius repeated, a little whine coming into his voice. Maybe it was his canine alter ego, but Sirius could whine like a champion. "_I'm _not going if you don't, and James won't either. Right, James?"

James opened his mouth, but Sirius shot him a _look_, and he quickly shut it again. "Right," he said with only a little reluctance, giving Sirius a knowing half-smile. "So if you don't go, we'll all be miserable."

Remus groaned. "Why can't you all just go without me? You know I hate dances and parties and…crowds of people. They make me edgy."

"Come on, Moony," Sirius gave him his most winning smile. "For me?"

Remus, despite himself, felt his resolve melt away. "All right, Sirius. For you."

Remus leaned against the wall behind the punch bowl, watching everyone mill about, talking and laughing. "When is Sirius going to get here?" he asked Peter, sighing just a little. If one more girl, just _one,_ pointed at him and giggled…!

Peter shrugged, raising a glass of punch through the flames surrounding his head to take a sip. He was dressed as a candle. "Dunno. He's probably still messing with his hair. I don't know _why_; it always looks great."

Remus nodded glumly. It was true—Sirius _did_ mess with his hair a lot, and there _wasn't _any reason to do so, because he _always_ looked fantastic. Of course, Remus allowed that he might be a little biased, but…

"Hey. How do I look?" It was James' voice, but it was emanating from a long black robe, and the hood was pulled up to shadow his face. Two glowing lights stared out at Remus, and he blinked.

"What are you supposed to be, exactly?" the werewolf asked.

"The Grim Reaper," James explained, swiveling his head to look for Lily. He took the glass of punch Peter offered with a skeletal hand. "I didn't want to scare her, so I figured I shouldn't make the mask _too_ creepy. Is it all right?" A student in a ghost costume bobbed at his elbow.

Remus arched a brow. "It's all right." It was, in fact, far beneath James' usual standard of Marauder creativity, but Remus didn't honestly care. "Where's Sirius?"

"Right here," Sirius replied, sounding annoyed through the white sheet.

Remus and Peter couldn't conceal looks of consternation. "A _ghost_, Sirius?" Remus demanded. He wasn't dressed just as a ghost—Sirius was dressed like a _cheap_ ghost, like he'd taken his mother's linens and cut eyeholes through them. Remus didn't get it. This wasn't like flashy, stylish Sirius at all.

Sirius didn't answer. He just floated closer to Remus (at least he'd charmed his feet invisible) and whispered, "You look good."

Remus smiled wryly. It was at Sirius' insistence he dressed as Robin Hood, since Remus wasn't coming up with any ideas on his own. "You _would _think so," he murmured in response. "_I_ think you just wanted to see me in a pair of tights."

Sirius's laugh was low and husky, and sent a rush of warmth into Remus' belly. Remus felt his own grin widen in response, and he ran a tongue over one of his canines. "There goes James," Sirius noted, as Lily entered the room. Their friend had wandered over to her rather too quickly to look nonchalant, but she ended up dancing with him anyway, although her chariot kept getting in the way. The rest of them grinned, watching James try to work an entirely different sort of magic. More students poured into the Great Hall, chatting and complimenting one another on the cleverness of their outfits.

"Here comes Snivellus," Peter pointed out. "He didn't even bother with a costume!"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "He could at least wear a bag over his head or something." Remus frowned, but Sirius didn't seem to notice. "He's carrying his wand, though. Wonder why he bothers—he's so completely hopeless with it. He ought to stick to his cauldron," he added over Peter's snickering. "He's much better with that. Doesn't it make you wonder which he's got under his robes?"

"Sirius…" Remus said unhappily, and Sirius shrugged and stopped.

A loud _thwack _distracted them, and the group turned to see an unmasked James, rubbing his face where Lily had hit him. Sirius winced. "Well, I guess it makes for a good Grim Reaper that he managed to kill _that_ so quickly."

James stomped up to them, looking angry. "I didn't say her hips _were _big, I just mentioned that the chariot sort of made them _look _that way. I _knew _I shouldn't have dressed up," he grumbled, taking the charms off of his hands. "Halloween's for little kids. You got the firewhiskey to put in the punch?" he asked Sirius hopefully.

"Sorry," his friend replied.

"I brought it!" Peter jumped in, eager to contribute.

"Good thing," James replied, taking a sip from the flask and tilting it over the bowl. "At least we can liven things up a little bit. This place is too boring—it's like a cemetery in here."

"Well, some of us are supposed to be dead," Sirius pointed out from over Remus' shoulder.

A hand ghosted its way over the werewolf's arse, and he shoved it away with a choked laugh. It crept right back. "_Sirius_," he hissed in protest.

"What?" the sheet replied, eyeholes looking completely innocent. He leaned closer to Remus' ear and breathed, "It's not like anyone can see what I'm doing, anyway."

"No," Remus acknowledged, giving the creeping hand another shove. "But they can see what it's doing to _me_," he muttered, and Sirius had to laugh at the developing bulge in the werewolf's tights.

"Remus," Peter cut in. "Here comes Angie Fluffledder. She's grinning at you."

Remus cringed. The pretty, dark-haired Ravenclaw refused to believe Remus wasn't interested in her, and took every opportunity to chat him up. Sirius gave a snort at his friend's obvious discomfort, and Remus gave him a dirty look. Sirius always knew _just_ what to say to let a girl down gently. "Belt up," he grunted. "It's all right for _you_."

Sirius, insofar as anyone could tell with a sheet covering his face, seemed smug. "I just know how to handle them. I can't help it if women love me," he informed his friends. "It's just due to my natural charm and charisma."

"I think those are the same thing," Remus shot back. "And _I _think it's due to the fact that you flirt outrageously with them and spend as much time on your hair as they do."

This time Remus could hear the smile in his friend's voice. "What's the difference?"

As Angie bore down on them, looking a bit like a large-breasted swan, with her craning neck and voluminous white dress, Remus tugged Sirius's arm and said, "Dear Merlin, she's dressed as a _bride_! I have to get out of here. I need some fresh air."

"What, _now_? You want to go outside? But I just got here!" Sirius complained.

"I'm _not_ hanging about and waiting to be molested by that Ravenclaw again," Remus insisted.

"Why not?" James asked, looking at her speculatively. "She's got nice…_you_ know…" He glanced around to make sure Lily wasn't nearby.

"I fear she'd smother me with them while I slept," Remus replied darkly.

"Besides, you know Remus only likes being molested by _blokes_," Sirius put in.

"Sirius!" Remus growled chastisingly.

"Really," James agreed. "That was more than Peter and I ever wanted to know. Besides, the agreement was that whenever the two of you had…one of _those little urges _that you get, you'd put up a Silencing Charm and spare us the trauma."

"You're just jealous because you aren't getting any!" Sirius cackled, and ducked away from James' punch to the arm.

"If you want to stay here, then stay here," Remus said, as Angie made for the punch bowl. "I'm leaving."

Sirius watched in dismay as Remus began moving with animal grace through the crowd, making his way to the doors. "I'm going, too," he told James and Peter with a sigh. "Let me know when you decide to play the prank on the Slytherins."

Remus almost groaned in relief as he made his way across the grounds, shivering under the star speckled sky. He listened to the autumn leaves crunching in protest as a second pair of feet hurried to join him. He didn't need the noise to know Sirius was following him. With a mischievous grin, he slipped around the corner of the castle and stopped. Crouching low, he readied himself to spring.

As soon as Sirius rounded the bend, Remus pounced, knocking the other wizard to the ground. "_Moony,_" Sirius objected through his laughter, "You just about scared the piss out of me. Daft bugger. Knocked me right in the dirt, too—so much for my clean bed sheets."

"Those really _are_ your bed sheets?" Remus queried. "You really are an idiot sometimes. Bed sheets. What kind of a costume is that?" Snuffing and nipping, he worried the fabric near Sirius' throat—or as near to as he could judge.

"Don't knock them," the dark haired student replied, trying to fend Remus away from the ticklish part of his neck. "We've had a lot of good times under these sheets."

Eyes gleaming, Remus leaned back on his haunches. "I suppose we have, at that," he allowed. Giving Sirius a hand, he helped him stand, and the ghost leaned in, comfortably encircling him with linen-draped arms.

"Anyway, how am _I_ the idiot? You're the one insisting on running around in the middle of a chilly fall night. Why couldn't we have just gone back to the dorms, if you wanted to get away from the party so badly?"

Remus pulled him closer, feeling Sirius' strong back muscles shifting fluidly under the fabric. "It isn't like you to care about things like that, Mister Black," he reprimanded, smiling to himself as Sirius slid his hands down to cup his arse. "You usually love it outside, day or night. Is the cold air getting to your prematurely aged joints, old man?"

"No," Sirius responded. "But it's sure as fuck getting to other bits of me." He chuckled when Remus rubbed himself suggestively against his leg. "I notice _you _don't have that problem. But really Remus; can't we go inside? I swear I'm freezing my bollocks off out here!"

Remus looked at him with fine disdain. "_You're_ not the one dressed in paper-thin green tights," he pointed out. "Which happen to ride up whenever you squeeze me like that, so I'll thank you not to add to the problem." Sirius muttered an apology and helped him tug them down a bit, trying not to snicker too much. "_You_ ought to be quite warm and toasty, running round with a sheet blanketing you, on top of everything else."

Behind the eyeholes, Sirius' eyes got shifty. "Yeah. Er… Yeah." He cleared his throat, looking away, and Remus peered at him with suspicion. Realization dawned, and the werewolf grabbed at the hem of the sheets, trying to lift them up. "Stop that!" Sirius yelped, trying to yank them away. "You really want me to get frostbite all over?"

"_Sirius_," Remus gasped. "You're not wearing _anything_ under there, are you? _Are_ you?"

Sirius gave a loud, barking laugh and backed away a little. "Wouldn't _you _like to know?" He feinted to the right, then dodged to the left as Remus tried to snatch the sheet off him. "Remus—don't—hey!" he shouted, clutching his costume tightly like an old woman holding onto her purse like grim death.

Finally, Remus gave up and lunged, tackling his lover. They rolled over the dry grass, squirming and laughing. When Remus got a good grip on Sirius' costume, he yanked it upwards.

"_AAAAUGGHH! DAMN IT, REMUS! EITHER COME IN HERE OR GET OUT, BUT STOP LETTING THE DRAFT IN! _It's _glacial_ out there," he added plaintively, in a very small voice.

"Oh my _God,_ Sirius; you really _are_ naked under there!" Remus exclaimed in shock, dropping the sheet. He managed to look horrified for a whole thirty seconds before succumbing to hysterical laughter. "You _twit_! You're—you're completely _starkers_! Sirius, what were you _thinking_? No, never mind; don't answer that. I know you—the only thought that crossed your mind was 'less clothes equals easier sex.' You absolute prat."

Sirius huffed. "You're not supposed to be _laughing_ at it. Honestly, are you _trying _to crush my ego? Anyway, I didn't expect you to decide you'd like a stroll round the grounds in the Scottish countryside in the middle of the night, when it's almost bloody November! I think _you're _the prat here."

Remus grinned widely, shaking his head. "Technically, we both play the prat, at least on occasion. You must be barmy; you just up and decided to go to the Halloween party in the nude?" He covered his face with a hand, his shoulders still shaking. "Didn't you even remember to bring your _wand_? You could do a Warming Charm and be right back in business."

"Didn't have anywhere to put it," Sirius replied, sounding sullen. His shoulders were hunched a little, and Remus stifled a sigh; nothing was more obnoxious than Sirius in a full-fledged snit. He'd have to head it off while it was still just a sulk. The ghost was still sporting a rather obvious tenting in its fabric though, so Remus felt it could all be solved easily.

He leaned forward and gave a tug at the linen. "I've still got my wand. Is the invitation to come in and join you still standing, or is Trick or Treat over with already?"

Sirius was silent for a moment before bursting out, "Come in, and hurry up about it! There are parts of me that are about to fall off and be lost forever, and _then_ you'll be sorry."

Remus slid under the sheet and pulled out his wand, quickly casting a charm to heat them up, and then another to make the sheet large enough to cover both of them. He couldn't resist chuckling a bit more at his boyfriend's huddled, miserable state. "My lover, the irresistible iced lolly. Want me to warm you up?"

Sirius gave one of his heart-melting, lopsided smiles. "Yes, I think I'd like that very much," he said. "Are your tights still giving you troubles? 'Cause I can solve that in a hurry." Remus bent his head to Sirius' lips, licking away at the faint taste of the punch from earlier. Sirius' hands began tugging his lover's tights down, and he pulled back from the kiss for a moment. "Where the devil were you keeping your wand?" he asked. "There's no room in your trousers, that's for sure."

"They're tights, not trousers. And I'm not telling," Remus said with a sly grin. He nibbled on Sirius' collarbone, moving slowly downwards. "Don't know where you get—crazy ideas like this," he said around the nipple his teeth were latched on. Sirius' hand reached down and began stroking him, teasing him to full hardness.

Sirius let his head fall back, his hair fanning out beneath him. After a few quiet moans, he responded, "…They're _good_ ideas."

Remus crawled back up so he could press his lips to Sirius' again, and felt the other youth's legs wrap around his waist. For a long time, all that could be heard were the sounds of slick skin coming together, and the wet, sucking sounds of mouths finding one another, over and over again.

Eventually, "_Very _good ideas," Remus agreed.

James marched out onto the grounds, only half aware he had a bit of an audience following. He couldn't help that he was popular, and a small group of girls seemed to follow him everywhere these days. He glanced back at them once, but they tried to look as though they'd wandered aimlessly outside, and ambled by without meeting his eyes.

He frowned and looked back at Peter. "D'you reckon they went to the Shack?" he demanded. James was in a terrible mood—it had been a lousy night, and the only thing that could possibly make it better would be to shake the dungeons up; to play the most outrageous prank ever on the Slytherins—and he'd be damned if he was going to do it all on his own. Peter, he reflected, was not much of a prankster.

The short, tubby boy was looking contemplative. "I don't think so," he finally said. "Remus doesn't like it there very much."

Nodding, James stalked off in a random direction, determined to find his friends and put the night back on track.

Shortly he came across Sirius—it had to be Sirius, in that stupid ghost costume, for sure—kind of spread out on the ground. Frowning, he nudged his friend with his foot. "I'm ready to take care of those tossers in the dungeons," he said. "Are you in or what?"

The long, breathy moan Sirius let out in response caused James' cheeks to flush red. "_Sirius_? Oh my God! Is Remus in there with you?" At Remus' cry of pleasure, James' jaw dropped, and he backed away quickly. "Oh my God! You…you—right out in public! And what did I say about the Silencing Charm?"

Peter hurried up behind James, peering around him to the sheet writhing on the ground. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," James told him shortly. "But if you value your dinner, then _don't_ look under that sheet." Seething, he stomped back towards the castle.

Peter, confused, stared at the inoffensive bed linen until he heard one voice say, "Want me to do you up against the castle wall?" and another voice answer, "…_hell_, yes." Then he turned white, spun on his heel, and ran after James.

A little while later, both boys were camped out by the punch bowl again, glaring at the happy couples that meandered over to get themselves a drink. James rested his chin on his hands as he scowled at the group that had followed him outside earlier.

"Did you see that thrift shop ghost outside?" one girl was asking another. "It was by the castle wall, like, shaking." James hid a smirk as he drew a deep draught of the spiked drink.

"I know!" the other girl replied, looking mystified. "And I could have sworn it started _howling_ a little while later."

Looking pained, Peter clapped his hands over his ears and gave James an imploring look. James couldn't have responded if he tried, as involuntary laughter caused his body to spasm. He _had _to get Sirius and Remus back for this—those shameless shirt lifters. It really was the worst Halloween ever. And firewhiskey burned _horribly_ when it came out one's nose.

Fin.


End file.
